So Romney is gone. He is leaving Tucson tomorrow, but he has already left me behind.
I have been through break ups before, and this one was perhaps the least dramatic as far as emotional discharge. Our year-long relationship simply vanished with one brief statement, zapped into oblivion by this little incantation:
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you.".
I can share this here, confident that Romney won't see it. To illustrate his statement, Romney loved me enough to encourage me to start a blog, but was never interested enough in my thoughts to ever bother reading it. There are many other examples. In fact, I knew the truth of Romney's statement before he did.
Of course this is for the best, and I don't harbor any bitterness toward Romney. He needed to come to this realization, and he needed to be brutally honest with me--and most of all himself--about his lack of passion for me.
Even so, I feel like shit. One year down the toilet, so many sacrifices and dreams and affection brought to nothing. And all because I'm just not...enough.
I know there is nothing to be done for it. I'm not what his heart desires, and there is no helping that. But I will grieve in my own way. I don't even know what that will look or feel like. The analysis will undoubtedly come later, but for now I'm just stunned, standing here bewildered and blinking.
I left Romney with my blessing. May God grant him the desires of his heart. Amen.
And here is another day, morning coffee and planning my activities and yammering away on my little blog. I will keep going through the motions. "Just keep swimming."
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