Drifting, but not adrift

“…Not all those who wander are lost…” 

This line from JRR Tolkein's poem All That is Gold Does Not Glitter is referenced many places--usually in tribute to those who may appear to be adrift but are living with intention.  Two cases of this kind of purposeful wandering have come together in my mind as a surprising parallel: the Israelites wandering through the Sinai desert, and the monarch butterflies on their migratory route through North America. 

People have taken a lot of time to carefully plot each of these group's "wanderings," and if you take the time to Google these maps you'll see how complicated each respective route is--to the point of seeming random.  I take encouragement from this, because to the casual observer (and often enough to myself), my own wanderings can look pretty haphazard.  Here's the thing, though: no journey, no matter how rambling, is truly "wandering" if you're being led. 

The Israelites of course were being led by a pillar of cloud by day and fire by night.  It told them when to pack up and go and when to make camp and stay during their 40-year sojourn.  As for the monarchs, they are guided solely by instinct.  Yet, this instinct is enough to keep them on a rather intricate path with clocklike regularity.  Interestingly, they never get to see the full route from start to finish the way we can by searching Google for a map.  Each individual monarch only completes one small leg of the journey.  Their lifespan is not long enough to see a completion of the route.  One dies and another takes its place along the way, not unlike handing off the baton in a relay race.  Somehow the course is maintained and each successive generation fulfills its role in the journey that spans several monarch lifetimes.  Likewise, the Israelites' journey to the Promised Land spanned a couple of generations, and most who started out didn't make it through to the end.  I draw an odd sort of comfort from this because, like an ancient Israelite or migrating butterfly, I can't see the whole course mapped out ahead.  The Big Picture is just too big for me.  Often it looks like I am running in circles, sometimes literally with my treks up and down the western deserts--from sagebrush to saguaro and back again. 

And again. 

But in spite of all appearances, this wandering is with intention.  The intent is to be truly led, but it isn’t always easy to discern how well I’m following.  For me, it's been a sort of mixture: at times of feeling undeniably led by God as the Israelites were, and at other times of following my heart's quirky, compelling desires as the monarch butterflies might feel compelled.  So while I'm definitely a kind of drifter, and sometimes puzzled by it all, I don't believe I'm adrift.  While I can't see where it's all going, I think it's mostly about the journey anyway.  And the journey for me seems to be mostly about trust, and being willing to let go of what's behind to walk blindly into the next adventure.  Because while I can't see, I believe there is One who does.  He knows the beginning, the end, and all the middle parts of this story.  That's what I'm doing here in Arizona again--following His lead to find my place in the story.  And if I get off track (as I sometimes do), He knows how to plot a new course. 

Ostensibly I'm here in Arizona to try to retain my career as a dental hygienist.  I might succeed, or I might not, but at any rate that's my heart's desire part of the equation.  The other part of the equation was seeing a multitude of doors open in answer to prayer for direct guidance.  This was my pillar of cloud and fire.  And while I'm doing my best to follow The Way (El Camino en español), I want to keep this journal of sorts as a way to mark out the trail and see what can be discovered in so doing.  Moreover, I want to hear your comments and observations because I hope to make this blog more like a conversation than just me blathering on.  I don’t quite know where I’m going, but I hope to keep in touch with everyone along the way J

Thanks for being here, and may you be truly blessed <3